Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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