Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
