Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
