I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
