Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
