I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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