If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
