he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This baby is an asshole
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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