guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
