pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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