Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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