You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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