woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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