i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
