I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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