singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
