she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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