you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
