So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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