why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
