Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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