hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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