My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
