How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
