She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
