fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
