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Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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