he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
