pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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