1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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