I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
