On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
