it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
