just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
