New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
