i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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