We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
