so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
