so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
do herpes really smell.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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