I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
