Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
