Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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