what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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