i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
