Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to align my fucking chakras
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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