Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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