Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
