U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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