shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
