you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
