How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
