Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
