Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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