hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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