I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
